so basically, if there was a book about my life in my perspective, no one would read it. or at least, they wouldn’t enjoy it. I think it’s because I’m too satisfied with my life?? even through the stress and random bursts of emotional turmoil, I’m still too happy to have people take an interest in me. does that make sense?? I think that when people read books, there needs to be some sort of instability within the main character, some sort of inner angst or sadness, because that is what’s most relatable - pain. and by reading the character’s pain, the reader releases his/her own. and by reading the character’s solutions to the different conflicts of the story, the reader finds peace where he/she cannot find it in real life. and I think that’s the saddest story of all.
Okay, so this is the only person that I might genuinely, GENUINELY dislike that I know in real life. He has only had one girlfriend, who literally is the sweetest and kindest person in the entire world - I’m not even joking, I think she might be Jesus reincarnated. He broke up with her about a year ago, treated her like shit, and now has the balls to say that he’s a nice guy who deserves to be with someone? I am literally so done with his bullshit. He thinks he’s a pro at baseball (and then he got cut from the team lol) and that he’s such a pimp while talking shit about his wonderful ex, who didn’t do any harm against him and instead wonders if there’s something wrong with her. If you’re going to act like a dick, you at least have to earn the right to be one. You can’t just go around flailing on how great you are when you are an ugly untalented piece of shit who bashes other innocent people.
SUNSHINEONACLAUDYDAY PUTTIN DOWN THE LAW
(I felt like hardcore yoloing today)
are you serious?? are you being serious right now??
This is incredibly disrespectful. Having an unborn fetus compared to what the children had to go through today?? 20 children. 20 children in fear. Crying, screaming, but needing to stay silent out of fear of a psychopathic gunman. How scared must they have been?? To look into the face of an insane man. To see the gun pointed at you. To have that be the last thing you will see in this short lifetime. To see your fellow classmates and teachers fall before your own death. Do I even have to go on about the repercussions?? Your mother is grieving. Your father is grieving. Your siblings and relatives are grieving. They knew what your smile looked like; they knew how your tears looked like. They knew how frightened you must have been. And they knew they couldn’t comfort you in any way. And they knew they would never see your face ever again. They would go home to a house without you. Your room is still full of your presence, but it won’t be anymore. Christmas lists and presents, parties, graduations, celebrations, birthdays: all of those are the things they thought they would experience with you. They didn’t know you would be taken from a killer. They didn’t know your life would have been stolen against their will.
So no, do not compare abortion of an unaware fetus with the murders of frightened little children huddling in the corners of their classroom.
should i give a long heartfelt answer or a short funny one
welp today i’m feelin deep so scroll on uncaring motherfuckers kay
it’s a half rant so stop reading this alright alright
anyways ~ seriousness ~
So, you know how on tumblr there are all these posts on “real women have curves” and “just because you aren’t a size one it doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful”?? Well, I mean.. what if you are a size one. And it’s like that quote “just because you aren’t a size one it doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful” vice versa it’s like just because you’re skinny doesn’t mean you’re pretty. and then it’s like well guys like girl with curves and boobs and a nice butt and I’m like “uhh I have none of that lol sorry bro guess u gotta move on” and inside I’m like nooOo I don’t want to be a fucking stick figure I would rather have something more and weigh something more than 115 pounds with something more than bone arms and thighs that don’t touch when I walk. And when I’m older I want to be something a guy has always dreamed of, yaknow?? And I feel like such a fucking girly twat saying these things but it’s like I want to please people both emotionally and physically and I can’t because I’m not a beautiful white girl with blonde hair and boobs and a butt WHILE having a flat stomach like how the fuck is that even possible. And I can’t just get any guy I want and along with the insecure about my body thing I’m scared to tell anyone that I haven’t even fucking KISSED anyone or had a freaking boyfriend. And I’m scared of people knowing that because I’m afraid they’ll think that the reason no one wants to be with me is because something’s wrong with me idk. And I hate this uncertainty because I THINk I’m a cool enough person I guess, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me enough so that no one is willing to even try to be with me and it’s so frustrating because I’m already 16 and who wants to tell other people that no one liked me until college or something. And I don’t need to “fit perfectly” with anyone or have a “soul mate” and shit I just want someone who sees as much potential as I do. Because I don’t believe in love at first sight or soul mates, I believe in the potential that something more may develop and that that something can even develop into true love. Wow I feel like a huge huge huge vagina I can’t even ugh yeah and don’t get me wrong I love myself it’s just wearing down my confidence a little that no one is willing to get to know me more and it’s not helping that I don’t like school as much and people are drifting away and I’m feeling distant and I literally just want to crawl up in a ball and eat ice cream every single day except tennis usually makes me feel better to be honest even though I’m not great but it’s just knowing that you’re a part of something and won’t get cut off from it like you’re getting cut off from everything else. bleghhhhhhhhh end of tirade
p.s. i’ve never told this to anyone so shhhh
i’m also feeling in the really deep mood of deepness so just ignore this post of u want humor cuz u ain’t gon get it
anyways i’m actually gonna get serious now and use proper grammar so -
The idea of taking one’s own life is actually sometimes appealing for me. Not in the sense of relieving my own pain, but in the sense that I am in the perfect stage where everyone will remember me. Moments and random flickers of temptation during long periods of isolation usually put more pressure on that appeal, but it’s always key for me to snap back to reality. People at my school who have committed to this (sadly) have had a lot of attention surrounding them in the time that they have done.. “it.” I am glad my life isn’t horrible enough for me wanting to do it because of suffering, but the idea of being remembered forever is nice. It’s a form of immortality.. but if I ever die, I don’t want to be remembered as “the girl who took her own life during high school” or “the best friend I lost when I was a kid” or “my friend who I wasn’t able to help” ..or even “the girl who thought I wasn’t worth staying for.” Does that make sense?? Like, that someone who takes their own life, you weren’t important enough for them to stay in this world?? Doesn’t that hurt so much?? And I don’t want the people around me to be hurt, because strangers already feel so much pain from a simple text post on tumblr or facebook that may say “goodbye, world.” Intensify that by 10000000x and you have what their best friend, lover, and family is feeling. I would never ever do that to myself because I love living too much and I have so much to learn, do, and so many people to help and meet. And if I died I would rather die with a purpose.. like saving someone from a fire, diving in front of a bullet, tackling a robber so that they won’t hurt anyone else. I don’t know. I feel like it’s such a waste. Actually, I feel like it’s worst than a waste, because not only does nothing good come from it, but it makes people feel worse. And I hate that bullshit where a person would say, “See, I already cause people so much pain. It’s better if I just end it already.” Um, excuse me?? You are contradicting yourself because they’re only in pain because they want you to be ok!! Fucking motherfucking fuck. Ugh I don’t know. The situation where someone is considering taking their own life infuriates me to the point where I am literally burning with anger and I hate hate hate everything until this situation is resolved. And I literally cannot deal with all of these fucking tumblr posts where they’re like “123456789 notes and I won’t do it” and I’m just like, really?? You KNOW people are going to care. You want proof?? Do you realize how many of these posts I see?? How I can reblog it 10 million times and you would rather have different people reblog it and talk you out of it?? You want someone to save you. Why the fuck does someone ELSE have to save you. Even if you end up not committing that crime, you are still not saved until you save yourself. And I guarantee 80% of people on this website and around the world won’t believe that they are as great as they have the potential of being. Because if you are looking for a purpose in life, it’s to create yourself into the person you desire to be (not too far-fetched, just in a more noble sense. let’s get real here), and to learn to help others for their own sake and not your own personal desires.
Why do all these girls want a happy ending??
I want a happy forever.. or at least as much happy as possible.
not just dumb and funny shit that we always talk about
but like actual thoughts, concepts, theories, whatever is going inside my brain and share that with someone who won’t change the subject or mock me
and they can challenge my mind and all that jazz
is that too weird to want or
“Everyone is beautiful” ”You are perfect”
No matter how much these phrases may boost someone’s self confidence.. I find it incredibly overrated and incorrect. Even if you reblog these dumbass posts on tumblr or if some shirtless hot guy writes on a fucking index card, you’re still going to wake up tomorrow and start judging people, especially if they are strangers. We only say these things in order to prevent sadness from overtaking the lives of the people we encounter.
But when we say, “you are perfect just the way you are”..
..I mean, what if they aren’t perfect??
“You are beautiful, inside and out”
what if you’re NOT beautiful.. physically AND personality-wise.
“It’s the inside that counts” well isn’t that just dandy maybe if you weren’t a fucking bitch this statement might be more true. By saying these things, we are giving freebies to people so that they don’t have to change.
I know that changing your own self to please others isn’t always the right thing, but I mean, isn’t it the same concept where you want the criminal to change his ways to become a better person?? Only in a less intense way, like wanting your friend to stop being disrespectful to their own family members, or for your acquaintances to actually care about their manners and etiquette in a slutty modern society.
I don’t know.
I just feel like sometimes people use “I’m perfect just the way I am” as a gateway to continue acting like a pretentious douchebag.
Don’t get me wrong, there are so many nice, beautiful out there who don’t believe that they are as great as everyone else sees them, and they need to know that they are great human beings.
..but I just feel that if they need this confirmation, it needs to be done by their own loved ones and friends who know them.. not just by anonymous strangers.. and if they are being ignored or are agitating others, that those “others” need to step up and tell them what’s wrong so that they can improve instead of making them feel like shit.
no one’s going to fucking read this anyway
if i don’t talk to certain people/friendamoondoes face to face for a day
that is a shitty day
..today is a shitty day
you know that you’re alive because when you relive memories, you can’t have thoughts while doing something… like, you won’t remember what you are thinking unless the act itself is thinking.
destroyed yo theory, beeyitch.
such a great movie.
but i hope that anyone who reblogs this and writes “omg so relevent” or “this is exactly how i feel” has a legitimate reason for feeling that way and aren’t complaining about a slightly less than average day/week. that is not to be compared to cancer/death i mean come on.